community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
