we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
