hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
