How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
