I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize