Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
