Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
