ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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