Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
