that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
COCAINE IS GR8
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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