When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
All the doctor said was why
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
