It's like God shit irony all over that family
that's an acceptable place to lick
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
