Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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