I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The air was thick with penises
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
