TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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