Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
