i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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