I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
