whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
