Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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