even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You dont lie about slip and slides
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
