ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
