i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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