I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
