Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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