If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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