Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
ttyl tear gas
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
tell me about the eggs
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