My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
