She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
