You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
