My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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