i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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