and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
