Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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