There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
