"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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