the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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