I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
