Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
