Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
