Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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