Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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