so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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