ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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