I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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