i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
