I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
