My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
