Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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