He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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