I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
