It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Randomize
