we have pet lesbian snakes
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
