so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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