I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
