i think i have two assholes
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
