Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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