I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
