We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
