Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
