dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
