can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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