How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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