The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
