dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize