Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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