You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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