She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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