So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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