he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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