I got chris browned last night
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
