mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
