i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You are the jesus of drinking
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
