I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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