Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize