I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
