I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
as a side note pls kill me
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
