Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
