goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
