I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
