Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i will never coherently bang her
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
pop tarts are not kleenex
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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