I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Houston, we have a squirter
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
