nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize