In the future we'll all be gay
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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