The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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