Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
