Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
