i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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