We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
