it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
