I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
