i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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