Screwed.edu
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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