So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize