I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
