1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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