OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
