she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
