If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
