Your tits are I can't wait for
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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