Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
