so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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