A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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