U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
