I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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