I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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