So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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