eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
