This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
