why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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