sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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