Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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