Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
