Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
