Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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