an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
