i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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